From Conflict to Collaboration: A Couple's Transformation

In my culture, being a man means being the head of the family. This title comes with responsibilities but also a lot of privileges.

As the head of my household, I was raised to be the sole provider and decision-maker. Everything I said or did was final. My wife wasn’t supposed to seek financial independence or earn a living; she was meant to stay home and take care of the family.

This belief shaped my expectations when I got married.

To my surprise and frustration, my wife was not the obedient woman I expected. She had a mind of her own and wanted to contribute financially. She would buy things for our home without my input, prepare meals with money I hadn’t given her, and even engage in small businesses and casual labour to make her own money. This independence didn't sit well with me. I was suspicious - where did she get the money? Why was she always away from home? Was she trying to compete with me or, worse, undermine my authority?

My suspicions turned to anger. I verbally insulted her and sometimes became violent. I threw away food she prepared with her own money and restricted her movements.

Our home became a battleground, and we became enemies living under the same roof.

One morning, my wife suggested we join the Couples Connect Programme with Women for Women International.

Initially, I was hesitant. But she mentioned that we might receive financial support if we attended together. Reluctantly, I agreed, motivated only by the prospect of money.

As we participated in the programme, something remarkable happened. We learned about teamwork, sharing responsibilities, effective communication, problem-solving and financial management.

Slowly, I began to understand and appreciate my wife’s efforts.

We started talking again, discussing business, farming and our children. I began supporting her business and we started working together. By the end of the programme, we received some capital, which we invested in her business.

Today, our lives are transformed. I can relax a little, knowing that I don’t have to shoulder every burden alone.

We are a team.

Recently, I developed an illness that affects my ability to walk or stand, making it difficult for me to work. My wife has become the primary breadwinner, contributing up to 70% of our family’s income. I now support her as best I can.

I am grateful to Women for Women International for this life-changing programme and for giving me another chance at love.

I am also grateful to my wife for being strong and persistent.

Without her, I don’t know how I would manage in my current condition.

To all women, I encourage you to support your husbands and not give up on your families. And to the men, I hope you learn from my experience: support your wives, and if you can’t support them, at least don’t stand in their way.