Engaging Men

“We didn’t know about these verses, and all the rights that women have in the Holy Book,” says Ghulam. When he was younger, Ghulam had the chance to go to school, where he learned to recite the Qur’an in Arabic. Yet neither he, nor the other leaders in the community, ever studied the Qur’an from the perspective of women’s rights. His education was cut short when the Russians invaded Afghanistan, and he was forced to leave school. Before attending the programme on men’s engagement, Ghulam says he and other community leaders consulted with religious scholars when they had a question on how they should advise their community members.

The scholars, however, only knew the Arabic transcript of the Qur’an. They didn’t know the different ways to interpret the text, and how knowing the translations and definitions offers guidance that affirms women’s rights. “I believe that Islam is an open, bright religion, and has good rights for women,” says Ghulam, reflecting on the lessons he and the other community leaders learned in the men’s training programme. With this knowledge, he feels better informed to advise his community.

Ghulam’s face lights up as he shares how in the few months since starting the programme, he has been taking what he learned to help his community. “One thing we struggled with as a community, when we married or engaged our daughters, is that we would not ask them,” he says. In Ghulam's community, there was a cultural practice of engaging a baby girl at birth to the boy she would marry when she was older. “We didn’t know any different, and we thought this was part of our religion.”

During the programme, the men studied how the Qur’an supports the right of women to choose their own husbands, and how women should not be married as young girls. “Our trainers explained to us that marriage is not a matter of one or two days – but a matter of life. So if you are going to give your daughter to someone she doesn’t know, she is going to spend all of her life with him. It is better to ask women about their choice and their decision about these things.”

Shortly after Ghulam finished the men's programme, a local man came to him to ask for advice. He was poor, and struggling to support his family, so he wanted to sell his daughter in marriage. The money would enable him to provide for his remaining family members, but would change his daughter's life forever. Before the training, Ghulam says he would have agreed with the man. But this time, he said, "No, you should not sell your daughter for money. And he listened to me.” Ghulam is also defending women's and girls' right to education, going against conservative religious scholars who advocate against it. Violence against women was also a common problem in his community.

Before the programme, many men thought beating their wives and keeping them at home was in line with the teachings of Islam. “Which was totally the opposite,” says Ghulam. In his own family, Ghulam says he used to fight with his wife about her cooking, or why she showed her face to others. “But now, we don’t treat [our wives] like we treated them before...even my wife asked me, ‘Why have you suddenly changed?’” says Ghulam, with a smile. “I say it was because of the village’s scholars and the programme that we participated in.”